Rule No. 1 really with hot-fire jams is to not watch these music videos. Why do we even have videos anymore? Something for CMT to roll from 6-9 a.m.? But beyond Charlie Worsham freaking me out with his, “I’m such a laid back, nice, cool guy” vibe, I think this song is great. Solid vocal performance, a really inspirational song for guys like me looking for a country girl who likes running and a good laugh and may or may not already have kids.
2. “The Race is On” – George Jones
Am I country-emo right now? I don’t know, I’m just in a mood where these country songs about love and heartache are just calling my name. George Jones can flat out sing too, gotta appreciate that old-school sound that I grew up listening to at Grandpa’s house.
3. “Red Rag Top” – Tim McGraw
I’ll keep getting older, but this song will stay being legendary. I think I hate Tim McGraw, don’t know why, but regardless this is one of my favorite songs of all time. It’s one of those hard storylines to follow, but I think a young couple hooks up in a convertible, gets pregnant, decide not to have the baby, figure out they don’t love each other, the end. But the song makes it seem much more eloquent.
4. “Someone, Anyone” – Anberlin
Am I allowed to still like rock music that sounds like high school? Ok, good.
5. “Remix (I Like The)” – New Kids on the Block
Laugh all you want, but this song jams. Well, jams as much as five 45 year olds trying to relive their teens can.
I consume a lot of nutrition and fitness information, for better or worse, and started a practice of keeping notes of everything interesting in a notebook. In fear of losing my notes, I figured I would archive them here for myself and any readers who like such things.
Also, the headline of this blog keeps making me think of “Cleanin Out My Closet” by Eminem, so I Invite you to play this song while you read my tips if you wish.
When eating put three fist-sized portions on your plate of a protein, vegetable and fruit or legume.
Drink coffee every day to lower stroke rates.
Routinely eat eggs, fish and vegetables for higher energy and always look to nuts for a snack.
For eye health: In the morning, moisturize with a lotion that has SPF (Neutrogina Oil-Free 30 SPF), before bed use an eye cream with vitamin C.
Eating fresh broccoli? Dip it in plain mustard for a healthier liver.
Make a salad with fresh spinach topped with sardines and mustard for a jolt of healthy Omega 3’s.
Berry Parfait Recipe: Cup of frozen berries thawed in the microwave, 1/2 cup granola, 1/2 cup vanilla yogurt.
When wanting chips with a meal, eat pistachios instead. 45 Calories per serving instead of 160 or more.
Book recommendation: Money Rules – Simple Path to Security.
Four to five cups of coffee per day will help fight off colon cancer.
SuddenlyFrugal.com for money saving tips.
Boss-Inc.com – Offers classes to learn to live off the land.
StoryvilleApp.com – Read a new short story each week.
Multivitamin made from food is the best (Juice Plus+).
Take Align Probiotic.
To fall asleep faster, rub lavender oil on pillow.
Shake recipe: 1 Cup coffee, ice, banana, 1/2 cup walnuts, vanilla protein powder and tbs of cocoa powder.
Quote: “You can waste a lot of time waiting for inspiration.”
One glass of red wine a day. Best bet a Cabernet Sauvignon.
Glass of lemonade a day made from at least 10% lemon juice wards off kidney stones.
Eat brussell sprouts routinely for prostate health.
Healthy beer of choice: Amstel Light
At the gym, use 8-6-4 for reps on the bench press with increasing weight each set.
Aim for at least 35 grams of fiber per day.
8,000 mg of Echinacea good for endurance.
Have a shake or chocolate milk immediately after a workout, a meal of steak, chicken or eggs can come later. Shakes and milk are absorbed faster.
Two cups of cooked spinach a day gives you enough nitrate to help fuel muscles.
I used to buy those variety packs of cereal when I was in college with about eight little boxes, but was never satisfied with the amount. I guess it was the literal serving size on the box which is just ridiculous with cereal. So on one great morning I said screw it, and emptied two boxes into one bowl, those boxes were Crispic and Corn Pops.
The taste, texture and overall experience was legendary. Now mixing cereals is just a normal part of my breakfast game. But no matter what I try: Smacks/Honey Combs, Fruit Loops/Fruity Pebbles, nothing turns me on like the sweet crunch of Crispix/Corn Pops.
P.S. Anyone who is a fervent supporter of the chocolate cereals is straight Looney Tunes. Just always felt a little too desserty, when what I want is wholesome goodness. Even crazier is when there is a choice, like fruity pebbles and cocoa pebbles. Fruity all day, every day.
2. Peanut Butter in Your Oatmeal
Oatmeal is God’s gift to breakfast, the undisputed champion in my book. Haven’t started a day without it since about 2002. But about a year ago I had a plan to put a scoop of almond or peanut butter in it while still hot and see what I got. The result is something a million angels couldn’t describe.
Basically adding peanut butter to anything makes it awesome, but this smoothie combination I came up with is the bomb. I don’t know why it has to be Jillian Michael’s Protein Powder, but it just does. It was all I could find at Wal-Mart one night (I know, go to GNC bro, I live in a tiny town, get off me) but the taste was surprisingly great.
Just use chocolate almond milk (Silk brand) as the base, add powder, one banana and a spoonful of PB and blend with a couple cubes of ice. Straight fire smoothie recipe, you’ll never want anything else.
4. Regular Mustard on Canned Tuna
If you’re like me, you eat your tuna straight out of the can like a beast. And the best way to not feel so poor when you’re doing it is to add your favorite brand of deli mustard straight on top and eat it with a spoon. Dr. Oz told me that mustard brings out the nutrients in green veggies, like dipping broccoli in it, so I figured why not let it boost my tuna too. The taste is so good you’ll laugh in the face of mayo.
5. Espresso in Your Chai Tea Latte
If you love chai tea lattes, iced or hot, from a coffee house, then do yourself a favor and make it dirty with a shot of espresso in it. I prefer the iced variation with skim milk from either Baxters in Somerset, Ky., or Starbucks. The result in pumpkin pie in a glass, which sucks if you don’t like pumpkin pie, but if that’s the case you should probably just leave America. I know coffee-house drinks aren’t for everyone and chai lattes in general are not good for you, but one of these a week is a worthy sacrifice.
Not long ago I dedicated my life to positive thinking, being healthy, working out, reading books and Dunkin’ Donuts. One of those things is not like the other, but you have to have one vice in life.
Because I spend a lot of time in a gym, you get to see a ton of hardo moves. The following list will be the top-five hardo things you see happen in a gym. I can laugh at it, because I have probably done them all dating back to when I first did a bench press in college.
Gallon Jug of Water
Drinking plenty of water is always on my mind when I work out. I feel like it’s extremely important due to how much you sweat and the exertion on your muscles. Luckily gyms are full of water fountains, even though I constantly wonder if a weird kid did that thing where they put their mouth on the faucet, but still, as a man, I trust in the fountain.
But some guys don’t, and the answer is carrying around a full gallon jug of water. I think I last did this when I was about 19 in college at Louisville. I felt like if I wore my Greek letters and traversed the quad carrying a gallon, then the ladies would have to take a second glance.
Straight Up Bringing Your Protein Powder to the Gym
I’m on this kick where I have to consume as many grams as protein as my ideal weight (155) each day, so I always keep some type of whey protein powder around the HOUSE. I think it’s a smart move if you’re on a weight lifting program to have some around the HOUSE.
However, for some bros, the gym is their kitchen, their Muscle Milk Lab if you will. I routinely see people bringing the container out of their bags and scooping it out into a shaker mere seconds after a set of bench.
I admit, I brought my shaker into the gym last week, but already had the ingredients mixed up and I still felt like a hardo. Doing that move where you’re in the corner shaking that thing vigorously, hoping no one is staring. I’m just saying, getting back to the house and peacefully mixing my hardo shake relaxes me, I just don’t want to do my meathead Emeril impression next to the squat rack.
But for guys like me that lift a lighter weight for the health benefits, it’s just not a good look to grunt and yell during each set of 150 on the bench. It’s like I’m already embarrassing myself enough, might as well not sound like an extra on The Walking Dead.
Portable iPod Speakers
I’ve belonged to an infinity amount of gyms in my adult life and one thing stays the same, the music is dreadful. Always has been bad, always will be bad. I guess it makes sense, they have to pick a station that will appeal to the highest percentage of people, which always ends up as a Kenny G/John Mayer hybrid. Luckily, the remedy to this is the invention of sports headphones and iPhones/iPods.
Still from time to time you will see a group of hardos break out one of those mini portable speakers and play their own jams while they lift. This is a tricky move, because at the end of the day I’m actually glad to hear something other than adult contemporary, but you’re also still the guy that brought a portable speaker to the gym.
I respect the need to hear your songs while you lift no matter how you do it. I do the majority of my workouts in the athletics weight room where I work and in there I can crank up my own tunes however I see fit. I’m about 50% stronger in there, turning it into 2002 with 50 Cent, Disturbed and System of a Down.
Matching Clothes From Head to Toe
I have no problem when girls put on a fashion show at the gym, don’t even think twice about it, but I get oddly annoyed when bros have full, matching workout outfits on. Like matching a neon green Under Armour logo with neon green shorts and a strip of neon on the shoes. Hardo city.
When I work out, I try to find the most ratty t-shirt I have so that it looks like I work out really hard in it, when in reality it’s just a 15-year old shirt that I wore back when I was husky.
Kind of like the portable speakers, I still don’t entirely hate on the matching workout clothes. If being sexy and you know it motivates you to get to the gym, then I say match on. Any excuse to go to the gym is worth it, whether it’s vanity, battling stress or picking up chicks.
I have some adult friends that are either married or getting married soon and that is all well and good, but for the first time one of my closest childhood friends decided to tie the knot and it got me thinking about life for a few minutes.
I’m going to be in his wedding party and it’ll be a great time down in Texas, but really it got me thinking that I too need to start expediting this process and furthermore, in Dan Price White fashion, figure out the top-five reasons to get married.
Sadly, this could be a hypothetical list because I struggle with commitment. Not in the sense of cheating on a girlfriend or something like that, but just in a long-term sense. If I reach the two-year mark with a girl, I start questioning everything about my life and things usually get awkward. But let me stay positive and think that it will happen one day.
You’re out there somewhere girl who enjoys iced coffee, Sunday drives to the city, hiking and jumping in crystal clear lakes, video games and stand-up comedy.
But until then, here are the best reasons I’ve come up with to tie the knot.
Just an absolute game changer for me with marriage is the ability to take engagement photos.
2. Buying Groceries for Two
There is literally no way for one man to finish off a loaf of bread, dozen eggs, gallon of milk, case of beer, etc., by himself before it goes bad. I’ve also never been one to do the whole “share the groceries with the roomies” thing.
Had a guy once ask if I wanted to go in on milk with him at our frat house. Straight Looney Tunes.
But I’m just thinking a wife, and much later kids, would be a game changer in the kitchen. No telling how many countless 1/3’s of loaves of bread I have tossed as a bachelor.
3.Taking Care of the Dog
Dog ownership is very rewarding, but when you work in college athletics, there are just way too many times where you’re not around enough for Fido. Weekend trip with basketball? Here I go taking the dog to my parents or paying a friend to come over and feed and walk him. If I get married, then there’s a good chance my wife could feed my dog.
And I will gladly feed her dog when her job takes her away. Although I’ve narrowed my wife choices down to school teacher, bank teller or well, I guess that’s it, so she should be around most weekends.
4. Not Be the Weird Dude at the Mall Alone
Little known fact about me, I actually like going to the mall. It’s awesome to pick out cool shirts and shoes, but then ultimately not buy them because you have a phobia of spending money on yourself. I also like the energy or everyone rushing in and out of stores and I get a power trip shaking off the kiosk people.
But I’ve noticed as I get older that I look a lot weirder and crazier walking around without a wife, buying her the latest threads at Forever 21 and scents at Bath and Body Works. Having a girlfriend works, but my past few hated shopping, so it was really just me not buying stuff at Banana Republic and Foot Locker while they played Angry Birds.
5. Not Be the Weird Dude at Family Gatherings
I feel like I’ve reached the tipping point where my family doesn’t know how to deal with me.
Including a sister and load of cousins, 99% are married with kids. I’m in a foot race with my cousin John, that I’m not sure either of us want to win, to be the next to last one to tie the knot.
Part of me is rooting for John, because if you’re going to be the weird guy at family gatherings, you might as well go all the way.
Him being single too is ruining my game, because telling people you’re the only person in your entire family not married might be the most hardo line I’ve ever heard.
Netflix streaming may be the best invention in history for people who work irregular schedules. Sure, in college I was a lock to eat my daily Subway sandwich from the UofL commons in my dorm at Noon with Golden Girls on the tube, but now, in adult world, it’s not that easy.
A typical day could be office work from 8-4:30, work on a video project till 5:30, then work two basketball games till midnight. In other words, no live TV. So enter Netflix, streamed through my PS3 to the flat screen where I can watch commercial free full seasons of TV shows one, two or nine episodes at a time.
My discovery is that there has been a lot of good stuff sent to households instead of the movie theatre, I would argue even better than movies. Here are five shows, mostly watched on Netflix, that have changed my life.
1. Lost
I’ll admit it, when Lost was running in its regular schedule on Fox, I was one of those haters making fun of people who sat down for it each week. I mean, this was the first show I could remember where people flipped out for it in the real world and online. Lost inspired websites, blogs, podcasts and more. So once Netflix added every season, I decided to watch the pilot.
Then over the next month I proceeded to watch the series in its entirety. Jack vs. Sawyer, seeing The Others for the first time, time travel, the finale, it’s all engrained in my brain forever. This is one I could see myself rewatching down the road.
2. The Office
The Office is hands down the funniest show on television. I judge comedy based off how many times I laugh out loud when I am by myself and this show takes the cake. Steve Carell as Michael Scott carried the show and brought most of the big laughs. In the later episodes, I love what Ellie Kemper does with Erin, her quirky sense of humor just fits in a great way. Also, you can’t really beat some of Kevin’s best moments.
3. Dance Moms
Dance Moms was not a Netflix watch, I literally made an effort to watch it in real time. Really can’t stand Abby Lee Miller. Hate that she’s from Pittsburgh but thinks she’s so awesome and Hollywood. Sure, she started the dance academy when she was 14, but who cares about work ethic when you live life hating on nine year olds.
Now, the best mom is Melissa. Just a real rags to riches story, worked the front desk at the studio, then happened to bring along the two most talented daughters, Maddie and Mackenzie. The two people that can go on somewhere are Christi and her daughter Chloe. Chloe thinks she is too hot to trot, but I know the power of Maddie, and even Kelly’s daughter Brooke is better.
Moving on.
4. Parks and Recreation
Talk about not giving a show its fair shake. I watched the pilot in real time before Netflix and didn’t care for it at all. But then I jumped back in on Netflix and almost laughed audibly as many times as with The Office. Ron Swanson and Azis Ansari’s character bring the house down every scene.
5. The Walking Dead
I know it’s super trendy right now to say you love The Walking Dead, but let’s face it, this show is sick. Too many tense moments to count where you can’t hardly look at the screen. The acting is superb and the chick that plays Maggie is really hot. Love these shows where the writing is good and you’re constantly thinking how it’s all going to end.
Not going to lie, this song was catchy as all get out when I first heard it around 2003. One of those choruses that sticks with you for the day. But one solid event in my fraternity days made this a meaningful tune to me.
Long story short, there was a full-fledged fight among my housemates about a group of this one guy’s friends who were always at the house when any type of party was happening, but never joined the frat and paid the $250 bucks a semester, or whatever it was.
I really didn’t care about the guys hanging around. I lived in the house for a dirt-cheap price and as long as that continued, I didn’t care who was around. But one day, said dude blew up and was giving us all a speech in one of the rooms in the house. Only thing was he was constantly interrupted by a phone call trying to reach him.
Best part, the ringtone was this song, “Cold” by Crossfade, so literally every 10 seconds you would here the intro “Looking back at me……” and Crossfade’s singer has this really exaggerated tone that you can hear in the video. Just imagine hearing those four words like 100 times in a row.
We all had a good laugh about it that night and it still gets brought up from time to time today.
But anyway, enough about that, it’s time for one of my favorite pastimes. Listening to a terrible song and taking a deep look into the lyrics to make a factual commentary.
Crossfade “Cold”
“Looking back at me, I see that I never really got it right”
So, this guy is literally looking back at himself. I’m calling bull sharky because this just isn’t possible. Now if he left off the “at me” part, I would understand that he was just looking back on a time in his life. No sir, Mr. Crossfade is literally looking back at me…..or himself.
“Never stopped to think of you, I’m always wrapped up in things I cannot win”
Obviously, homeboy had a girl on the reg who was maybe a 5 out of 10, meaning she was there, but he never thought of her. Our singer has his mind in the clouds, looking for that nine or 10, things he states he cannot win.
“You’re the antidote that gets me by…”
Not what a girl wants to hear bro. Sure, he’d rather date Blake Lively, but still you’re enough to just get him by.
“What I really meant to say, is I’m sorry for the way I am”
Something has obviously already been said. I’d guess something along the lines of, leave me alone you ugly stalker, I’m trying to UPGRADE. But our singer sees the flawed logic since he’s kind of a dud, and wants to rethink what he said.
“Never meant to be so cold, never meant to be so cold”
Something so heartfelt that he had to say it twice.
“I’m sorry about all the lies, maybe in a different light you can see me stand on my own again”
Really letting himself go here, just basically getting on his knees to win back his five. He probably dropped the “No, I never text other girls or check out their photo albums” line, when obviously he was on the prowl. Now he’s saying he’s changed, there’s a new aura around him. Maybe she’ll take him back?
“I never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that I keep locked inside of me so deep”
Here comes our hero coming clean. It’s not only that he had a fixing for a new lady, he also suffers from mental illness, which is no laughing matter. Kind of brings the story full circle. Yea, this guy shouldn’t have lied or chased other women, but on the other hand, he’s likely bipolar. Now there’s a dilemma, if the girl doesn’t listen to what “he really meant to say”, you could argue she’s the shallow one for not helping cope with his struggles.
“I never really wanted you to go”
The sob story of our hero continues, he’s seeing that she’s leaving like dust in the wind, so he’s throwing a few hooks out there, trying to get a bite.
“So many things you should have known”
*See mental illness
“I guess for me there’s just no hope”
Aaaaand, we lost him. Right when I thought this could all be settled, he goes off and says a thing like that. In the end, we get a couple more choruses about what he really meant to say, but he simply was just too cold.
