Top-Five Reasons to Get Married

Posted: April 2, 2013 in Dan Price White

I have some adult friends that are either married or getting married soon and that is all well and good, but for the first time one of my closest childhood friends decided to tie the knot and it got me thinking about life for a few minutes.

I’m going to be in his wedding party and it’ll be a great time down in Texas, but really it got me thinking that I too need to start expediting this process and furthermore, in Dan Price White fashion, figure out the top-five reasons to get married.

Sadly, this could be a hypothetical list because I struggle with commitment. Not in the sense of cheating on a girlfriend or something like that, but just in a long-term sense. If I reach the two-year mark with a girl, I start questioning everything about my life and things usually get awkward. But let me stay positive and think that it will happen one day.

You’re out there somewhere girl who enjoys iced coffee, Sunday drives to the city, hiking and jumping in crystal clear lakes, video games and stand-up comedy.

But until then, here are the best reasons I’ve come up with to tie the knot.

1. Engagement Pictures

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, engagement pictures are the bomb. Have you ever seen two people happier on train tracks, sitting on a park bench, doing that thing where you hold hands, walking away in a large field, touching brick walls? When I find my lady, I want us to go absolutely crazy with these things. I want it to be our greatest memory together.

I’m talking like inside a Dunkin Donuts with our arms around a random employee, one where we include each of our most recent exes making a frowny face, playing skee-ball at Chuck E Cheese, reenacting the Step Brothers poster.

Just an absolute game changer for me with marriage is the ability to take engagement photos.

2. Buying Groceries for Two

There is literally no way for one man to finish off a loaf of bread, dozen eggs, gallon of milk, case of beer, etc., by himself before it goes bad. I’ve also never been one to do the whole “share the groceries with the roomies” thing.

Had a guy once ask if I wanted to go in on milk with him at our frat house. Straight Looney Tunes.

But I’m just thinking a wife, and much later kids, would be a game changer in the kitchen. No telling how many countless 1/3’s of loaves of bread I have tossed as a bachelor.

3.Taking Care of the Dog

Dog ownership is very rewarding, but when you work in college athletics, there are just way too many times where you’re not around enough for Fido. Weekend trip with basketball? Here I go taking the dog to my parents or paying a friend to come over and feed and walk him. If I get married, then there’s a good chance my wife could feed my dog.

And I will gladly feed her dog when her job takes her away. Although I’ve narrowed my wife choices down to school teacher, bank teller or well, I guess that’s it, so she should be around most weekends.

 

4. Not Be the Weird Dude at the Mall Alone

Little known fact about me, I actually like going to the mall. It’s awesome to pick out cool shirts and shoes, but then ultimately not buy them because you have a phobia of spending money on yourself. I also like the energy or everyone rushing in and out of stores and I get a power trip shaking off the kiosk people.

But I’ve noticed as I get older that I look a lot weirder and crazier walking around without a wife, buying her the latest threads at Forever 21 and scents at Bath and Body Works. Having a girlfriend works, but my past few hated shopping, so it was really just me not buying stuff at Banana Republic and Foot Locker while they played Angry Birds.

5. Not Be the Weird Dude at Family Gatherings

I feel like I’ve reached the tipping point where my family doesn’t know how to deal with me.

Including a sister and load of cousins, 99% are married with kids. I’m in a foot race with my cousin John, that I’m not sure either of us want to win, to be the next to last one to tie the knot.

Part of me is rooting for John, because if you’re going to be the weird guy at family gatherings, you might as well go all the way.

Him being single too is ruining my game, because telling people you’re the only person in your entire family not married might be the most hardo line I’ve ever heard.

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Comments
  1. Mel C says:

    Dan, you crack me up. Hope all is well in KY.

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