I have some adult friends that are either married or getting married soon and that is all well and good, but for the first time one of my closest childhood friends decided to tie the knot and it got me thinking about life for a few minutes.

I’m going to be in his wedding party and it’ll be a great time down in Texas, but really it got me thinking that I too need to start expediting this process and furthermore, in Dan Price White fashion, figure out the top-five reasons to get married.

Sadly, this could be a hypothetical list because I struggle with commitment. Not in the sense of cheating on a girlfriend or something like that, but just in a long-term sense. If I reach the two-year mark with a girl, I start questioning everything about my life and things usually get awkward. But let me stay positive and think that it will happen one day.

You’re out there somewhere girl who enjoys iced coffee, Sunday drives to the city, hiking and jumping in crystal clear lakes, video games and stand-up comedy.

But until then, here are the best reasons I’ve come up with to tie the knot.

1. Engagement Pictures

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, engagement pictures are the bomb. Have you ever seen two people happier on train tracks, sitting on a park bench, doing that thing where you hold hands, walking away in a large field, touching brick walls? When I find my lady, I want us to go absolutely crazy with these things. I want it to be our greatest memory together.

I’m talking like inside a Dunkin Donuts with our arms around a random employee, one where we include each of our most recent exes making a frowny face, playing skee-ball at Chuck E Cheese, reenacting the Step Brothers poster.

Just an absolute game changer for me with marriage is the ability to take engagement photos.

2. Buying Groceries for Two

There is literally no way for one man to finish off a loaf of bread, dozen eggs, gallon of milk, case of beer, etc., by himself before it goes bad. I’ve also never been one to do the whole “share the groceries with the roomies” thing.

Had a guy once ask if I wanted to go in on milk with him at our frat house. Straight Looney Tunes.

But I’m just thinking a wife, and much later kids, would be a game changer in the kitchen. No telling how many countless 1/3’s of loaves of bread I have tossed as a bachelor.

3.Taking Care of the Dog

Dog ownership is very rewarding, but when you work in college athletics, there are just way too many times where you’re not around enough for Fido. Weekend trip with basketball? Here I go taking the dog to my parents or paying a friend to come over and feed and walk him. If I get married, then there’s a good chance my wife could feed my dog.

And I will gladly feed her dog when her job takes her away. Although I’ve narrowed my wife choices down to school teacher, bank teller or well, I guess that’s it, so she should be around most weekends.

 

4. Not Be the Weird Dude at the Mall Alone

Little known fact about me, I actually like going to the mall. It’s awesome to pick out cool shirts and shoes, but then ultimately not buy them because you have a phobia of spending money on yourself. I also like the energy or everyone rushing in and out of stores and I get a power trip shaking off the kiosk people.

But I’ve noticed as I get older that I look a lot weirder and crazier walking around without a wife, buying her the latest threads at Forever 21 and scents at Bath and Body Works. Having a girlfriend works, but my past few hated shopping, so it was really just me not buying stuff at Banana Republic and Foot Locker while they played Angry Birds.

5. Not Be the Weird Dude at Family Gatherings

I feel like I’ve reached the tipping point where my family doesn’t know how to deal with me.

Including a sister and load of cousins, 99% are married with kids. I’m in a foot race with my cousin John, that I’m not sure either of us want to win, to be the next to last one to tie the knot.

Part of me is rooting for John, because if you’re going to be the weird guy at family gatherings, you might as well go all the way.

Him being single too is ruining my game, because telling people you’re the only person in your entire family not married might be the most hardo line I’ve ever heard.

Netflix streaming may be the best invention in history for people who work irregular schedules. Sure, in college I was a lock to eat my daily Subway sandwich from the UofL commons in my dorm at Noon with Golden Girls on the tube, but now, in adult world, it’s not that easy.

A typical day could be office work from 8-4:30, work on a video project till 5:30, then work two basketball games till midnight. In other words, no live TV. So enter Netflix, streamed through my PS3 to the flat screen where I can watch commercial free full seasons of TV shows one, two or nine episodes at a time.

My discovery is that there has been a lot of good stuff sent to households instead of the movie theatre, I would argue even better than movies. Here are five shows, mostly watched on Netflix, that have changed my life.

 

1. Lost

I’ll admit it, when Lost was running in its regular schedule on Fox, I was one of those haters making fun of people who sat down for it each week. I mean, this was the first show I could remember where people flipped out for it in the real world and online. Lost inspired websites, blogs, podcasts and more. So once Netflix added every season, I decided to watch the pilot.

Then over the next month I proceeded to watch the series in its entirety. Jack vs. Sawyer, seeing The Others for the first time, time travel, the finale, it’s all engrained in my brain forever. This is one I could see myself rewatching down the road.

 

2. The Office

The Office is hands down the funniest show on television. I judge comedy based off how many times I laugh out loud when I am by myself and this show takes the cake. Steve Carell as Michael Scott carried the show and brought most of the big laughs. In the later episodes, I love what Ellie Kemper does with Erin, her quirky sense of humor just fits in a great way. Also, you can’t really beat some of Kevin’s best moments.

 

3.      Dance Moms

Dance Moms was not a Netflix watch, I literally made an effort to watch it in real time. Really can’t stand Abby Lee Miller. Hate that she’s from Pittsburgh but thinks she’s so awesome and Hollywood. Sure, she started the dance academy when she was 14, but who cares about work ethic when you live life hating on nine year olds.

Now, the best mom is Melissa. Just a real rags to riches story, worked the front desk at the studio, then happened to bring along the two most talented daughters, Maddie and Mackenzie. The two people that can go on somewhere are Christi and her daughter Chloe. Chloe thinks she is too hot to trot, but I know the power of Maddie, and even Kelly’s daughter Brooke is better.

Moving on.

 

4. Parks and Recreation

Talk about not giving a show its fair shake. I watched the pilot in real time before Netflix and didn’t care for it at all. But then I jumped back in on Netflix and almost laughed audibly as many times as with The Office. Ron Swanson and Azis Ansari’s character bring the house down every scene.

 

5. The Walking Dead

I know it’s super trendy right now to say you love The Walking Dead, but let’s face it, this show is sick. Too many tense moments to count where you can’t hardly look at the screen. The acting is superb and the chick that plays Maggie is really hot. Love these shows where the writing is good and you’re constantly thinking how it’s all going to end.


Not going to lie, this song was catchy as all get out when I first heard it around 2003. One of those choruses that sticks with you for the day. But one solid event in my fraternity days made this a meaningful tune to me.

Long story short, there was a full-fledged fight among my housemates about a group of this one guy’s friends who were always at the house when any type of party was happening, but never joined the frat and paid the $250 bucks a semester, or whatever it was.

I really didn’t care about the guys hanging around. I lived in the house for a dirt-cheap price and as long as that continued, I didn’t care who was around. But one day, said dude blew up and was giving us all a speech in one of the rooms in the house. Only thing was he was constantly interrupted by a phone call trying to reach him.

Best part, the ringtone was this song, “Cold” by Crossfade, so literally every 10 seconds you would here the intro “Looking back at me……” and Crossfade’s singer has this really exaggerated tone that you can hear in the video. Just imagine hearing those four words like 100 times in a row.

We all had a good laugh about it that night and it still gets brought up from time to time today.
But anyway, enough about that, it’s time for one of my favorite pastimes. Listening to a terrible song and taking a deep look into the lyrics to make a factual commentary.

Crossfade “Cold”

“Looking back at me, I see that I never really got it right”

So, this guy is literally looking back at himself. I’m calling bull sharky because this just isn’t possible. Now if he left off the “at me” part, I would understand that he was just looking back on a time in his life. No sir, Mr. Crossfade is literally looking back at me…..or himself.

Never stopped to think of you, I’m always wrapped up in things I cannot win”

Obviously, homeboy had a girl on the reg who was maybe a 5 out of 10, meaning she was there, but he never thought of her. Our singer has his mind in the clouds, looking for that nine or 10, things he states he cannot win.

You’re the antidote that gets me by…”

Not what a girl wants to hear bro. Sure, he’d rather date Blake Lively, but still you’re enough to just get him by.

What I really meant to say, is I’m sorry for the way I am”

Something has obviously already been said. I’d guess something along the lines of, leave me alone you ugly stalker, I’m trying to UPGRADE. But our singer sees the flawed logic since he’s kind of a dud, and wants to rethink what he said.

Never meant to be so cold, never meant to be so cold”

Something so heartfelt that he had to say it twice.

“I’m sorry about all the lies, maybe in a different light you can see me stand on my own again”

Really letting himself go here, just basically getting on his knees to win back his five. He probably dropped the “No, I never text other girls or check out their photo albums” line, when obviously he was on the prowl. Now he’s saying he’s changed, there’s a new aura around him. Maybe she’ll take him back?

I never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that I keep locked inside of me so deep”

Here comes our hero coming clean. It’s not only that he had a fixing for a new lady, he also suffers from mental illness, which is no laughing matter. Kind of brings the story full circle. Yea, this guy shouldn’t have lied or chased other women, but on the other hand, he’s likely bipolar. Now there’s a dilemma, if the girl doesn’t listen to what “he really meant to say”, you could argue she’s the shallow one for not helping cope with his struggles.

“I never really wanted you to go”

The sob story of our hero continues, he’s seeing that she’s leaving like dust in the wind, so he’s throwing a few hooks out there, trying to get a bite.

So many things you should have known”

*See mental illness

“I guess for me there’s just no hope”

Aaaaand, we lost him. Right when I thought this could all be settled, he goes off and says a thing like that. In the end, we get a couple more choruses about what he really meant to say, but he simply was just too cold.

1. Sucré
Stumbled upon this trio made up of Stacy King, Darren King and Jeremy Larson while listening to some songs on YouTube by Eisley. Eisley’s talent has stood out to me for nearly ten years, so when Stacy, one of the lead singers, married King from the band Mutemath, they eventually put together this side project named Sucré.
There is an ethereal quality to their sound. I think the album’s sound can mainly be linked to Darren King, who if you’ve listened to Mutemath, is a percussion master and just has an unreal quality to find what a song needs. Add Stacy’s voice and it’s songs you can listen to over and over.

2. Pinback

I enjoy a band that finds a sound that works for them and sticks with it, blending each song out of successful sections. With Pinback you quickly find that theme. Their songs seem to make a soundtrack for your life and somehow fit in with whatever you’re going through on a given day. I’ve been listening to these guys for years while driving or at my desk at work, makes about any task enjoyable.

3. Robert Randolph and the Family Band

Robert Randolph is hopefully known to more people than the previous two acts, he’s developed quite a cult following since the early 2000’s. But in case you haven’t heard his stuff and you enjoy positivity and happiness, then you should give him a try. Saw the group live in Boston one weekend and it is to this day my favorite live show I’ve been to. Try “Going in the Right Direction” to get started.

4. Mutemath

This is probable the most well known act on the list, but it could be more for the unique music videos than their songs. Give these guys a serious listen one night and you’ll see how  talented they are.

5. Merriment

Not a  big body of work for this duo yet, but the one album of songs they have is a good listen. There is another Eisley connection here as the brother and sister duo that makes up Merriment is the younger siblings of Eisley and the singer from the Sucré video.

I feel like college life has passed me by. No way I survive the current landscape. Just being subtweeted or youtubed or Instagrammed at all times. But when I attended college from 2003-2007, it was a simpler life, but still a blast. We were mesmerized that you could stream JoJo music videos on MTV.com and looked up to the rich kids with iPod Nanos in the gym.

For a tribute to my yesteryear, here are five things that were cool when I was in college that aren’t that cool now.

1. Facebook

Talk about a gamechanger, making the leap from setting your top eight and profile song on MySpace to the ultimate stalking device ever created. In its humble beginnings you had to have a college email address and only a select few colleges had access. Now everyone’s mom, dad and aunt are “liking” the statuses you post and browsing photo galleries from spring break, just not a good look at all. In the beginning, the number one move was to get your online syllabus and find the names of all the pretty girls in your classes, then stay up till 2 a.m. poking them and checking relationship statuses.

2. Music Videos

Life in the dorm freshman year was literally all about waiting for Britney Spears’ next music video. These things were masterpieces, true works of art that brought 15 18-year old men into a single room to watch a 17 inch screen. The Toxic video absolutely changed the game, JoJo, Ashlee Simpson and Hilary Duff would come one strong behind her, but there was only one Britney. Although Duff’s let the rain fall down video was hot fire.

3. Nintendo 64

If you weren’t playing Mario Kart 64 back in college, then I didn’t know you. Too many fistfights to count were started with Mario Kart Battlemode. You had one kart, three balloons and unlimited amounts of fun. Granted I’ve kept up with the times, but these kids playing Halo and Call of Duty have no idea what they’re missing.

4. New Balance

This isn’t New Balance as a whole, they still make a nice running shoe, this is specifically those grey and white casual shoes that literally every guy at my college had in 2004. If you didn’t have those shoes, Abercrombie jeans and an Abercrombie blue button up on, then there was no chance a girl would dance with you at the frat party that night.

5. AIM Instant Messenger

Literally any luck I had with girls in college came down to my game on AIM Instant Messenger. Just lol’ing, rotfl’ing my way to dates. First you had to meet a girl in real life that liked you, then you got her AIM screenname and the rest was a done deal. Probably the worst thing to ever happen was when they created that setting where you could be online, but others couldn’t see you. How you gonna work like that AngelEyez84?

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5. Ashley Tisdale – “He Said, She Said”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sTHw7HEfHo&ob=av2e

Everything about this music video speaks from me, from the way Tisdale blocked it from being embedded here to that white dress she wears during the bridge near the end of the song.

Tisdale made a big jump back into my life after her appearance in a video to be shown later in this list. That opening sequence at the start of this one is fire too.

4. Miranda Cosgrove – “About You Now”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlIUNtQEI_s&ob=av2e

Guess I should clarify that this one has nothing to do with hotness, I mean, isn’t iCarly like 14? But this song is just everything that is right about tween romance which I didn’t have. I don’t think I went on a date until I was 20, but this song is exactly how I picture my fake middle school relationship to be.

Also, 2-for-2 on blocked videos to embed here. Set these teen stars free!!!

3. Aly and Aj – “Potential Breakup Song”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqpA5Acc8-c&ob=av2e

3-for-3, but anyway, This song is straight fire and this chick, the first one to sing, either Aly or AJ is hot. This song came out when I was working Midnight to 5 a.m. at UPS and would come on routinely on my 20 min. drive home in Louisville. So this song is forever tied to UPS, breakfast burritos and sausage biscuits at 5 a.m. and nearly being shot where I was living in the hood.

2. Selena Gomez – “Love You Like a Love Song”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgT_us6AsDg&ob=av2e

4-for-4 — Gomez, need I say more? Love the entire premise of this video, love how she’s trying to be Lady Gaga and love that there is no Bieber. Really getting tired of that dude being all up on Selena at all times.

1. Carly Rae Jepson – “Call Me Maybe”


So this song is kind of a banger, like I’m playing it daily in the SUV, getting inspiration to be happy all day everyday because of how much the kids love life in this video. Also, Ashley Tisdale, way to absolutely steal every scene.